My First Wedding

So Rachael Leigh Cooke, White America's Great Petite Winona Jr. from the turn of the Millenium, resurfaces to do...this? A lame-assed '4 Weddings and a Funeral' ripoff bullshit flick? Gag me with a spoon! Besides the obvious warning signs, the complete lack of Billy Zane (What - he couldn't play the Monsignor or something? FUCK!) spills it that this is gonna blow. Also - who wants to bet that Rachael Leigh never takes her top off in this one? Show of hands. Yeah. That's what I thought. Why couldn't she follow Anne Hathaway's lead and wil' out on some sexxxual gangsta shit!? Nah. Not interested, and neither are the rest of the Gazelles. We missed you Rachael - - why'd you have to give us blue balls upon your return!?

-Tommy Gazelle