300 Green-Screen Greeks

WHOAH! They had CGI in Ancient Greece?! Gnarly! And it looks like Morpheus was in charge of training the Spartans, based on the Matrix-Like movements of these soldiers. I'm really happy for Gerard Butler that he gets to be tough after suffering through acting under that pussy Joel Schumacher (or, as I like to call him, SHIT-MAKER) in PHANTOM OF THE OPERA . Shee-it, homey - if I was him I would have signed on to THE 300 , too. "YO - I'll act in the first movie about WAR you can find me. My street cred is FUCKED after playing The Phantom. Find me something where I get to be HARD!" Plus, brother played Dracula and fought dragons in previous movies, two things that are undeniably boss.

Now - I read some of the comic book THE 300 was based on, and it was pretty cool, but I do recall many instances of full-frontal male nudity. If you share my overpowering fear of other men's cocks, this might frighten you away from the film, but I am confident that the moral guardians at the MPAA are poised to defend my eyes from the sight of naked, frolicking Greeks. Praise Zeus! Anyway - all told, this looks like it might be kind of awesome. I'm even willing to put aside the fact that Billy Zane is again missing in action. He could pass for Persian, no? The one unforgiveable sin this otherwise badass trailer commits is the fact that Dominic West is supposed to be in the movie, but is not shown once. Guys rocks the fuck out of THE WIRE! Give him some daps! Whatevs. People make weird decisions...

-Tommy Gazelle